Cloudy Skies and Heartache
by of-moonlightandstarshine
Summary: A drunken night, heartache, regrets and bittersweet love. Anal, Mpreg, Angst. From Marauders period on to Alternate Reality.
1. Chapter 1

Cloudy Skies and Heartache

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter and I'm making no profits out of this. I wish I had Sirius though –sighs-

Chapter 1

Remus sat in a quiet corner of the Gryffindor common room. Watching, thinking, wishing and hurting. He was watching Sirius (as usual), chatting a mile a minute to his girlfriend of 4 months, Isabella Delour (as usual). Thinking, Remus was thinking about how he'd like to throttle the girl, and kiss the boy. He was wishing how he could be the one in Isabella's shoes and have Sirius eyes gaze so adoringly at him. And hurting, because all the wishing and thinking in the world would never make it come true.

Despite the close friendship he shared with Sirius, the large amounts of time spent together and secrets shared, Remus often felt that Sirius never did really 'see' him for who he was. Perhaps it was because he was a guy, or that he was not Sirius Black's type, but Remus always felt insignificant in Sirius' eyes, as though he was just a tree in the background of Sirius' life. He was just there.

And while Sirius was always concerned and overprotective about Remus' well-being, especially during the full moon, Remus always wished for something more. He could not curb his greedy urges. He should count his blessings that Sirius was able to look beyond his 'furry little problem', and willing to become an Animagus for him. He should be grateful to have a friend like Sirius.

But no, his traitorous heart would not listen. All he had ever wanted, since 3rd grade, was to claim Sirius as his. And so did the wolf…

'NO NO NO!'

He forced that disgusting thought down, sighed tiredly, and rubbed his blurry eyes. Too much staring today. Anymore and he might as well wear a neon flashing sign saying 'I LOVE SIRIUS BLACK' on his forehead.

Growling under his breath, he shot one last dirty look at the couple, before stalking up the stairs to the dormitories.

Sirius as usual, oblivious to his best mate's predicament, merely yelled a chirpy, 'Good night Moony!' in response.

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And so this continued daily, till last two months before the NEWTS.

"Damn that bitch! How could she do this to me!"

Remus could hear Sirius ranting and raving the whole way up the steps to the dormitories, in which Remus had originally escaped to for some peace and quiet.

"There goes my peace and quiet," Remus sighed internally.

The door burst open, signally Sirius' entrance. A thunderous expression was on the handsome face of the black-haired boy, and you could practically see the anger quivering through his limbs as he stalked towards his bed and flinging himself rather dramatically on it.

Remus kept quiet, watching Sirius carefully, just waiting for him to burst, when...

"ISABELLA'S BEEN CHEATING ON ME! WITH THAT SLYTHERIN IN OUR YEAR! THAT DRAGE-E, DARGA, OH WHATEVER HIS NAME IS. THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A PIECE OF ROCK. SHE CHEATED ON ME! ME! ARGHHH! AND TO THINK I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE FELT SOMETHING FOR HER. MERLIN!"

Well this Remus had not expected. Sirius reaction, rather than Isabella's actions. He knew what a two-faced hypocrite Isabella could be and had been waiting for the day something like this was going to happen. But he didn't think that Sirius would have reacted so violently.

Whenever a relationship Sirius was in ended, it never did bother him. No matter what the girl did, he would just walk away, without a backwards glance. Relationships to Sirius were like disposable plates, to use when in need, appreciate its use for that moment, before throwing it away, with no strings attached and no emotional attachment.

This kind of reaction was the first he had ever seen. And unfortunately for Remus, it was not the last he was going to hear about this.

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Please review! I know it's a really short chapter, but the next one will be much longer.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Here's to the Marauders' legacies!" James yelled enthusiastically as he raised his glass of Firewhisky in the Gryffindor Common Room.

It was the end of the school year and everyone had congregated there to celebrate after the 7th years' graduation ceremony. The N.E.W.T.s had flown by in the blink of an eye, and after the tortuous swotting, everyone was ready to let loose and party.

Alcohol was flowing freely (courtesy of the Marauders), and everyone was getting slightly tipsy. James was talking at twice his normal volume, all the while clinging to Lily and swaying to and fro, dragging a pink-faced giggly Lily along with him. Peter had fallen unconscious long ago, slumped into a corner, snoring loudly.

Sirius, on the other hand was sitting by the fireplace brooding quietly, with a bottle of Firewhisky clutched tightly in his grip. Remus sighed when he peeked over Frank Longbottom's shoulder and saw the depressed state Sirius was in.

Merlin, it had been more than two months since Sirius had caught Isabella cheating on him, and he had yet to get over it! Remus had had his ears worn off from Sirius' love-sick moaning and whining, but what was hurting the most was his heart. Every time Sirius would fall into a depressed daze, Remus heart would ache with misery and longing.

But the worst part was two nights ago, when Sirius had sneaked a bottle of Firewhisky in from Hogsmeade and gotten himself into a half-drunken stupor.

-Flashback-

"Remus. Why? Why can't I just get her off my mind? I want to get over her, I want to stop thinking about her, I want to stop EVERYTHING about her... but I can't. I just can't.", wailed Sirius despondently as he waved his hands melodramatically in the air.

Remus sighed and rubbed his temples. Merlin, not again. He had heard all of this on rewind for the past two months, and he was sick and tired of it. He did not know how much of a battering his heart could take any longer. It was plain torture seeing Sirius moping over her.

But there was nothing he could do about it. He could not just abandon Sirius when he was so miserable, especially not when James was always busy with Lily now, and it wasn't like James was much of a listener anyway.

Pushing down his heartache and pain, he prepared to slip into the role of the caring best friend again, when...

"How do I move on... when I'm still madly in love with her"

Sirius had whispered that so quietly into his hands, his head being buried in them. Yet Remus' werewolf-hearing picked it up.

Searing pain coursed through his heart as he felt his heart constrict tightly in his chest. Love. Sirius loved her. After all she had done, Sirius loved her. Sirius had never professed his love for anyone he had been with before, and yet he had just said it.

The emotional pain Remus was going through hurt more than any physical pain he had ever suffered in his transformations. What a fool he was to think that by staying by Sirius side, Sirius would one day realise that he loved the werewolf. Naive foolish thoughts. Sirius was straight and in love with another girl. A girl who did not even appreciate what she had.

Unable to hide the pain any longer, Remus had mumbled out an excuse about using the toilet and dashed upstairs to the dormitory. He had barely turned the lock on the toilet and cast a silencing and imperturbable charm before he slid bonelessly down tiled wall and collapsed in a pile on the floor.

He wanted to cry, to shout his love out, but he could not. Something seemed to have died inside, withered away by the few words uttered by Sirius. He was numb. He felt nothing. It was just felt like there was a hollow space in his chest, achingly empty.

And so he stayed there, in a trance-like manner till morning came and the other boys blasted the door open, to find Remus splayed on the floor, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

- End Flashback –

That was two days ago, and ever since then, Remus had tried to keep his distance from Sirius. To mend his bruised heart, to keep his ridiculous hopes down and to try to put his 'best friend' mask back on again.

Sighing again, he seemed to be doing that very often these days, he excused himself from Frank, and headed over to the almost drunk raven-haired boy.

Sitting down quietly next to Sirius, he looked at Sirius carefully. While Sirius looked normal to a normal eye, Remus could see that his skin was dull, his hair had lost its lustre, and his eyes, his grey mysterious eyes were clouded over with the pain and misery of a broken-heart.

And yet, Sirius could still take Remus' breath away.

Clamping down tightly on his traitorous thoughts, Remus lifted an arm and placed it gently around Sirius in comfort, the thinner, smaller boy having to reach to put his arm around the taller, broader boy's shoulders completely.

Sirius managed a little grimace of a smile for Remus, a thank you for his support, before offering the bottle of Firewhisky to Remus.

Remus did not drink normally, but when put in a situation where he had to comfort the man he loved because he was heartbroken over another girl, who would pass on an offer of alcohol. So Remus took the bottle from him, and took a large swig of the Firewhisky, feeling the burn down his throat, almost choking at the end.

Snorting at Remus' reaction to the alcohol, Sirius grabbed the bottle back and took a larger swig from it. And so this was how they stayed for many hours, drawing comfort from each other's company and the many many bottles of Firewhisky that they went through, till it was only the two of them left in the Common Room.

Remus by now was sloshed, and leaning heavily on Sirius shoulders with Sirius' arms around him. They were both giggling and shrieking loudly, for no reason really. Both of them were flushed, and could barely see straight, though it must be said that Remus was in a slightly better condition than Sirius, seeing as how he had started drinking later.

"Mooooooooooonnnyyyyyyy! You're so white! Like the moon! HAHAHAAHAA!" Sirius screeched loudly into Remus' ear, causing Remus to flinch and pull away from the loud sound that went banging through his jumbled up mind.

But as he was so drunk, and lacking the control over his limbs, he pulled back a little too strongly and managed to pull Sirius, who had his arms around him, in a mess onto the floor.

"Ooomf"

Remus groaned as the air was knocked out of him, scrunching his eyes shut automatically. It wasn't helping that the world had been spinning in crazy circles before that.

Suddenly, in his intoxication, he was suddenly aware that a hot warm body had been lying on him for quite awhile, and it wasn't getting up.

Confused, he opened his eyes gingerly, only to be immediately met with a pair of stormy grey ones.

Merlin, Sirius was on him.

He knew he should move. He knew he should look away. But the dark grey eyes kept him pinned where he was, as Sirius stared intently into Remus' brown ones that had flecks of gold.

Then suddenly, they were kissing. No, not kissing, there was nothing gentle and tender there. It was more like devouring each other's mouths as Sirius sucked intently on Remus lower lip, causing Remus to let out a moan and opening his mouth to Sirius' further assault. He did not know who was the one who leaned forward first, he was to out of it to care.

Remus knew he shouldn't be doing this, it could kill his most treasured friendship once and for all. But now, when faced with the prospect of not being able to see his love daily again, the constant throbbing pain in his heart and the need to give up his love for Sirius, Remus did not have the strength to stop the wave that was sweeping him away. If this was all he was ever going to get of Sirius, he would take it. To hell with the consequences.

Tongue met tongue as they duelled for dominance, the wolf in Remus fighting hard, but in the end it was Sirius who won, and engulfed Remus' mouth. Hands were everywhere as they grasped and grabbed, pulled and touched. Remus had one hand buried in the hair at Sirius' nape, and the other wound tightly around the boy's waist, pulling him flush against his body.

Sirius hands were wrapped around Remus' face as he hungrily devoured Remus' mouth, before moving lower, nipping at his jawline, and then down to his neck.

Remus gasped as Sirius moved lower, the combination of the kisses and the grinding from the body above him bringing him to full hardness. His erection throbbed painfully in the confines of his pants, and he thrust upwards towards Sirius' thigh, hoping to feel release.

Sirius moaned loudly as he felt Remus grinding his hardness into his thigh, and his member sprang to full erection too. His intoxicated mind could not grasp the implications of what was happening, all he knew was that he was more turned on than ever before, and he had to get more, more of what was causing it.

Gripping at the shirt covering Remus' chest, Sirius pulled, almost desperately, causing the buttons to pop and fly apart. Suddenly he was faced with an expanse of white creamy flesh with scars crisscrossing the entire area.

Dipping his head, he dragged his tongue roughly over a particularly large scar that ran down from Remus' collarbone to his left nipple. Remus shuddered in reaction, and his hands flew quickly to clutch Sirius' head between them, and hold them to his chest.

And then suddenly, Sirius latched onto his left nipple, sucking, licking and tugging at it not so gently with his teeth.

"Ugghh, Sirius." Remus moaned as the sounds slipped unnoticed out of his mouth, his hands now grappling over the smooth floor, trying to find something to hold on to.

At the sound of his name, Sirius looked up and saw Remus all red in the face, with his golden brown hair in a sweaty tousled mess, moaning wantonly. He had never seen someone look or sound so delectable. He wanted to see and hear more.

So he continued with his ministrations, bending his head down again to worry the other nipple with teeth, while laving the tip of it roughly with his tongue. His other hand was roaming across Remus' chest, pausing at his left nipple to give it a sharp twist, causing Remus to yelp and arch desperately off the ground, pushing his nipple deeper into Sirius mouth and his throbbing erection into Sirius thigh.

Feeling Remus rubbing against him frantically, Sirius finally got the hint, and turned his attention further downwards. Bringing his talented long fingers to his best friend's crotch, he cupped him roughly, rubbing insistently in circles with this thumb.

Remus practically howled with pleasure when pressure was applied to his throbbing member that still lay confined within his pants.

After torturing Remus for awhile longer, Sirius finally undid Remus' pants, and pulled it down together with his boxers. Suddenly he was face to face with Remus' very impressive erection that looked an angry shade of red and was leaking pre-cum from the tip.

Suddenly, the reality of it all manage to break slightly into his inebriated mind, and he was frozen in the realisation that he was in such a position with Remus.

Realising that Sirius had suddenly stopped moving, Remus looked down at Sirius and saw a hint of recognition and panic floating behind his unfocussed grey eyes. Panicking a little himself, Remus wrapped a hand around Sirius' bicep, and pulled roughly with his werewolf strength.

With a yelp, Sirius was yanked up from where he was between Remus' legs, up onto Remus again. Grabbing Sirius' head, Remus desperately kissed him, not willing to let go off his one chance at living his fantasy as of yet.

Remus rolled Sirius not so gently off him, so that they lay side by side on the ground. Letting one hand slide in between their bodies, he quickly undid Sirius' pants, and pulled his member that was fully erected out of his pants. Sirius gasped slightly, before moaning loudly into the kiss as Remus grasped both their erections in his one hand and stroked harshly up and down their lengths.

Sirius was too gone by then to care anymore. All he knew was that this was the best fuck he ever had, and he was not going to let go of it that easily.

As Remus stroked their members harder and harder, both of them threw their heads back in ecstasy at the friction as their cocks were ground against each other. Sirius slid his hands between the two of them, one going to their members and joined Remus' hand in getting them off. The other wound around Remus' neck and pulled him in harshly for another searing kiss.

Remus was in literal heaven. He never dreamt that this would happen, much less that it would be so mind-blowingly good. He had to convince himself that it wasn't a dream, and so his free hand snuck up Sirius' shirt and pulled, tearing e shirt open, and let his hand touch the chest he had so longed to touch.

His caresses began to grow harsher as Sirius pumped their members faster, his nails raking across Sirius' chest, catching one nipple, causing Sirius to arch back in a haze of pain and pleasure, as the stimulus caused him to buck hard against Remus and their hands and explode in orgasm.

Feeling Sirius come in his hands and on his cock, pushed Remus over the edge too, spraying their hands and chests with white liquid.

After what seemed like forever, the two boys finally came down from their high, all the while holding each other.

Remus recovered first, and seeing the white liquid on Sirius' chest, bent down curiously and gave it a lick. Sirius shuddered underneath his tongue as his cock twitched. Deciding that it did not taste bad, Remus bent his head down and began to devour Sirius chest.

Licking roughly at the semen on Sirius chest, Remus felt the heat pool again in his groin, getting more excited as he went along. He moved to Sirius' dusty pink nipples and sucked it harshly into his mouth, getting a strangled cry and a loud moan out of Sirius. Merlin, he would kill just to hear that everyday.

Suddenly he felt Sirius's fully erected member poking him in his stomach. Looking down, Remus saw that pre-cum had leaked out of the tip, and he could not resist it. Scooting further down, he brought his mouth to it and licked along the slit, lapping up the pre-cum.

Sirius was overcome with pleasure and his hands immediately flew to Remus' head, holding him there and urging him on. Remus then opened his mouth, and engulfed Sirius entirely.

Shocked by the intense heat that suddenly engulfed his member, Sirius nearly shrieked, before he stuffed his hand into his mouth, effectively stopping it. He bit his fist as his eyeballs rolled into his head at the immense pleasure he was getting from Remus' mouth.

Remus sucked strongly around Sirius' member, hollowing his cheeks in his effort. He swirled his tongue around the head, earning him a muffled moan from Sirius. However, before Sirius could come, Remus suddenly pulled away and pulled himself up Sirius body.

"Wha-"

Sirius looked at Remus in confusion as Remus grabbed Sirus' right hand and pulled two of his fingers into his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue around them, all the while staring straight into Sirus' eyes with a smouldering gaze.

Then Remus took those two fingers and brought them down to his puckered entrance, and before the confused Sirius realised what was going on, had plunged Sirius' index finger inside of Remus.

Sirius was stunned at the velvety walls that clamped around his fingers, but what caught his attention the most and held it was the fact the look of pain and pleasure on Remus face. A soft moan broke through Remus lips as he plunged Sirius' finger in and out of himself, loosening his hole.

Liking Remus' reaction, Sirius decide to take over the thrusting, and inserted another finger in rather quickly, causing Remus to arch sinfully against him, and then push back harder against his fingers.

Sirius kept thrusting his fingers inside of Remus, even adding a third one, when he suddenly hit something soft and spongy inside of Remus, causing Remus to yelp and shudder, as his leaking member shot a small amount of white liquid.

Seeing the extreme reaction on Remus' part, Sirius immediately sought for the little nubbin again, hoping to elicit the same reaction. He was not disappointed for his efforts as Remus clutched at his shoulders tightly, raking his fingers deliciously down his shoulder blades.

"St-st-stop Sirius."

Remus suddenly pulled Sirius' hand away from his hole and pulled him over himself.

"Wha-", was all Sirius could manage again, for he had no idea what was going on.

Remus then grabbed Sirius' member, causing Sirius to moan loudly, and ran his hand over the top and downwards, spreading the pre-cum over his entire length. Then before Sirius comprehended what was happening, Remus had raised his legs, wrapping them around Sirius back, positioned Sirius' member at his entrance, and using his legs pushed Sirius into him.

"Urghhhh", both of them moaned loudly together as Sirius' cock was sheathed within Remus' velvety walls in one push. Remus arched in pain, for this was his first time being breached. His hands grabbed onto the shoulders of Sirius, holding him tightly against as him as he got accustomed to Sirius' width. It hurt, it hurt so bloody much.

Sirius on the other hand could barely form a coherent thought. All he could feel was that it was so hot, and so tight inside of Remus, and the pleasure that was coursing through his veins was amazing.

After awhile, the pain in Remus subsided, leaving sparks of pleasure tinged with abit of pain as Sirius shifted above him.

"Move Sirius, move."

And that was all Sirius needed as he pulled back till just before the head was pulled out, and slammed quickly and roughly back in. The feelings and pleasure that both boys were experiencing were incredible, and this set a quick pace for their thrusting.

Sirius grabbed at Remus' hips, tilting them up higher to gain better access, and slammed harshly back in again, hitting Remus' special spot, causing him to howl in pleasure. He grabbed his weeping member and jerked himself in tandem with Sirius' thrusts. Within a few thrusts, Remus could no longer contain himself, and came, shooting out white liquid over the two of them.

Feeling Remus' walls clamping down on him as he came and seeing the look of immense pleasure on Remus' face with his sweat drenched hair all in a mess, Sirius too was pushed over the edge, and came with a loud cry, emptying himself within Remus.

Like puppets whose strings had been cut, with their completion, both boys collapsed bonelessly on the floor, exhausted. Sirius slipped out of Remus carefully, before curling up against Remus' warm body. Within seconds, both boys were fast asleep

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Wow, longest chapter I ever wrote. Hope you guys liked it! Reviews please! xxx


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The first rays of sunlight crept through the drawn curtains in the Gryffindor common-room and shone upon Sirius Black's slumbering peaceful face.

'Urghhh..."

Sirius moaned groggily as the piercing brightness cause his eyes to flutter open. Blinded by the sudden light in his eyes, it took him awhile to get his bearings.

Suddenly he realised that he was lying on a hard carpeted surface (nothing like his bed back in the dorms), his body was aching all over, he was feeling more sated and complete than he had ever felt, and there was a warm body that was curled up by his side.

WAIT A MINUTE! A WARM BODY?!

Alarm bells ringing in his head, Sirius hastily rubbed the sleep from his eyes and turned his head down towards his chest, only to be met by a head of soft golden brown hair. Hair that belonged to Remus. Oh god.

The blurry images from last night suddenly flooded his brain, in disconcerting disorganised snapshots. A sharp intake of breath was all a stunned Sirius could manage when he remembered all that he had done. With Remus. Merlin.

No. No way. He had not just willingly fucked a boy last night. He wasn't gay, he wasn't interested in blokes, he wasn't a bloody poof. No no NO! He could not have been a willing party. He had been banging girls for years, HELL he wasn't even over Isabella yet. There was no way he was gay.

Remus suddenly shifted even closer to him, twining his legs deeper among Sirius' ones, and nuzzled his head on Sirius' bare chest, murmuring softly, 'mmm, Padfoot'.

Merlin! Was Remus gay then?! That was it! Remus had to be the one who forced him into having sex last night. Shit, that meant that Remus had raped him?!

With a yelp, Sirius lurched up, shoving Remus unceremoniously from his chest, causing Remus' head to thud loudly against the floor, waking the poor boy rather rudely and painfully.

'Wha-'

Remus head was throbbing from the smash against the floor. One moment he was nestled happily in the warm embrace of his love, and the next thing he knew he was thrown onto the floor.

Looking up, he saw that Sirius had scrambled backwards and had his back against the couch and was attempting to cover his immodesty with a scarlet pillow. The whole time he was staring at Remus with wide eyes and a deer in the headlights look. If he hadn't just had sex with Sirius, he would have found Sirius' actions rather amusing.

'Y-you... We... Oh Merlin... W-we had sex?' Sirius stammered out rather hesitantly.

Shifting so that he could sit up properly to face Sirius, Remus winced as the evidence that they did have sex made itself known.

'Yes', he answered simply.

Sirius face paled considerably at the simple answer that was offered by Remus. His whole mind was in a mess, he could not sort the confusing crazy rush of thoughts that were spinning in circles in his head. The only things that seemed to stand out was 'I had sex with a boy' and 'I can't be gay, I just can't'.

Snapping suddenly under the onslaught of confusion and unknown emotions and feelings, Sirius did the only thing he knew. He lashed out at the source of his problems, Remus.

'YOU! YOU RAPED ME! YOU'RE A BLOODY POOF! YOU FORCED ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU! H-HOW COULD YOU?! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS REMUS LUPIN. AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO ME. I-I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. YOU DISGUST ME!'

And with those final words and a look of crazed panic, Sirius grabbed his ruined clothes and dashed wildly up the stairs that led to their dormitory, leaving Remus stunned and heart-broken on the floor of the Gryffindor common-room, clutching the place where his heart used to beat, but all was left was an empty aching gaping hole in his chest.

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Hello everyone (: sorry about the lack of updates. Been really busy with school stuff. Will try to update more often & regularly. Thank you for the reviews (((: more would be extremely lovely, and great encouragement. Hahaha. xxx


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It had been six months since the morning they left Hogwarts, and the last time he had seen Sirius. The cruel words that had been flung at him still ringing faintly in his ears despite all the time that had passed.

It had been four months since he last saw James, Peter and Lily. Sirius had made it clear to them that he and Remus had fallen out, and that he wanted nothing to do with the werewolf anymore. But Sirius had not explained to them why. And so the three spent their weekends alternating between the two boys, attempting to find out the reason behind the falling out (not like either of them would ever tell) or trying to get them to make up.

It had been three months and three weeks since he had heard from James that Sirius had found a girlfriend. Remus cried himself to sleep for many nights after that. It hurt so much, to think of Sirius, to not have Sirius, to have Sirius hate him. He was falling apart, because of his one weak foolish moment, he had lost the best thing that had happened to him. He had lost his best friend and the only person that really understood him. How he hated himself then.

It had been three and a half months since he fell sick, constantly feeling nauseous, throwing up every morning and spending his days in bed. It was bad enough that he was a werewolf and could barely find a job. Once he fell ill, he couldn't even keep his part time job. He was fired in a matter of days, and yet the illness was not going away. Remus was sick, tired, broke and miserable. After all that time, Sirius still occupied his every waking moment and haunted his dreaming ones.

And it had been three months and a week since he had gone to see Madam Pomfrey about his illness, hoping that she would make an allowance for him, since he could no longer to afford to see a doctor. It was that day that she had told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was pregnant. It had never occurred to him to read the section on 'Werewolf Mating Habits'. Madam Pomfrey had explained to him gently that should a male werewolf mate with another male, then in special situations, the male werewolf could get pregnant.

The details weren't clear, but it was clear that he was pregnant.

Pregnant with Sirius' child.

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Hello hello (: sorry for such a short chapter, and ending this chapter like that. I've just been so overwhelmed by work I haven't been able to write much. But here's a taste for what's coming. Do keep reading and reviewing please! I promise I'll update more often once my exams are done with. xxx


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

It was an especially cold winter's morning in England. It had started to snow last night, and the entire countryside was now covered with white, fluffy, fresh snow. It was a beautiful sight, and just in time for Christmas.

However, Remus could not muster up the energy in him to enjoy the sight or even be excited about Christmas.

Sighly quietly to himself, the young werewolf sat curled up in front of the fire rubbing his extended belly gently. He was seven months along now, but he felt like he was ready to pop anytime. Being a male, despite being able to conceive due to the magical properties of his lupine nature, his body was still not made for pregnancy.

His skin felt as though it was stretched taut, and being naturally thin, it felt as though everything he ate went straight to the child. While normal women gained weight all around during their pregnancy, he was constantly losing weight, till it left him with bony, skinny arms and legs and sunken cheeks, but a round belly.

Madam Pomfrey had been really worried about his weight recently, especially after she found out he hadn't been eating well, as he did not have much money left and so could not afford much. He had survived for awhile on just bread and butter, with a bit of ham thrown in once in awhile. His lack of appetite and the dizziness and morning sickness early on in his pregnancy did not help either.

And so it continued in that manner, till Madam Pomfrey had angrily lectured him two weeks ago when she came with bagfuls of food and stuff, harshly telling him that he was being selfish and not thinking of his unborn child, before he finally snapped out of it and started forcing himself to eat. The very thought of causing harm to his child had his heart clenching tightly in his chest. He could not do that to his child, to Sirius' child.

However, Remus still felt incredibly bad and self-conscious that he was relying on Madam Pomfrey so often. Not only was she giving him food and caring for him, she had brought over the daughter's old cribs and unisex clothing for him. As she had seen the situation Remus was in, being unable to work because it had just become too hard to hide his pregnancy as well as hold down a job with his continuous illnesses, she was very sympathetic to the situation the young boy had landed in. Eighteen, pregnant, broke, sick and alone.

Madam Pomfrey always had a soft spot for Remus and would still always fuss over him now. For that, Remus was incredibly grateful to her. Other than his baby, she was all he had left.

After he had started showing, he had pulled away from the rest of his friends. Realising that there was no way he would be able to have the baby and continue seeing his friends without them finding out his secret, he had moved away to the countryside. To a small little town in Yorkshire, where the rent was cheaper and the people few.

Upon first finding out, in his blind panic he had almost ran to James and Lily instinctively. But upon second thought, he knew that should they find out, they would have demanded to know who the other father was, and he could never tell them he had raped Sirius. He could not bear to lose them forever. He had already lost Sirius forever, he could not lose James and Lily too.

A sudden kick in his belly effectively pulled him out of his thoughts wincing. His baby was a kicker, constantly moving and shifting inside of him, and never keeping still. He hadn't had a good night sleep in months. This definitely was Sirius Black's fidgety child.

Sirius. It still hurt to think of him, and yet his thoughts would drift to him constantly. Well it was hard not to, especially with his child growing inside of him.

Rubbing his belly soothingly, he spoke quietly to his baby.

'Hello there little one. Its Christmas Eve already, the last one before you come to this world. I guess that means it will be my last Christmas alone... I miss your other father all the time, but it seems to have gotten worse around Christmas. Maybe because your father used to love Christmas in Hogwarts so much. He always loved Christmas; the snow, the food, the friends he had in Hogwarts and the warm fuzzy feeling it gave you. He only grew to love Christmas in Hogwarts, especially when all the Marauders would stay for Christmas. He would wake me up on Christmas morning jumping excitedly like a puppy on my bed. But that will never be again...'

His breath hitching slightly now, he took a deep breath and grabbed a few tissues to swipe at his tears before continuing quietly to talk to his baby inside of him.

'I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I'll be bringing you into this world without another parent. I'm sorry that I didn't tell him I was pregnant, and so he doesn't even know of your existence. I was afraid. So afraid. He had not told anyone of what had happened between the two of us and he still hates me for it. The look of disgust on his face. I can't bear to see it again. And then to tell him I was carrying his child from that wretched act I committed, I don't think he could ever forgive me. We're just eighteen and still so young, and he is Sirius Black after all, why should he want to be tied down by a baby now.'

'I know you were conceived because of my heinous act, but I love you already. I loved your father, so much, and I still do and will always do. In my heart, you were conceived out of love, my love for him. And I never want you to feel the pain and shame of Sirius' hatred and disgust. I know it might be selfish of me, by not telling him about you and running away and hiding like this, but I don't ever want you to be hurt my baby. I will protect you with all I have, love you with all my heart. Its better this way, he won't be tied down by a werewolf and his child, and I can keep protecting you...'

Remus whispered the last part, half to his baby, and half to himself. He constantly thought of what the future might be with his child, what he would say to him or her one day should he or she wish to know about his other parent. He did not know. He really did not know.

But Remus knew for sure that he loved his baby. The thought of aborting his child never once crossed his mind. This was Sirius and his child, he could never kill their child. He would never have Sirius, would never see the boy he so dearly loved, and most definitely not have a Sirius that loved him. And the knowledge of that hurt, it hurt so badly sometimes that he wanted to die. But now that he had his baby, he could get through it, he had to.

He would be strong for his child. That was all he could do now. He had to look to the future, and get ready to welcome his child.

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Hello hello! Sorry I haven't updated in ages! Just finished my exams recently, so only just found time today to add this new chapter. Promise I'll make them longer and update more often now! Haha. I'm looking forward to expanding this story (: Really enjoy writing about Sirius and Remus. Please do review! Though I don't reply all the time doesn't mean I don't read them. They make my day and make me want to write more :p hehee. So please do drop me a note. Thank you for reading! xxx


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Remus eyes flew wide open as he bolted upright as quickly as his swollen belly would allow him. A shuddering moan broke from his lips as a contraction ripped through him, his face twisting into a tight grimace.

'Oh Merlin. I'm in labour. Fuck. Its only seven and a half months! It's too early...'

However, any rationalising protesting thoughts flew from his head when another stronger contraction wracked his thin frame. The baby was coming and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

But the thing was, being a male, Remus lacked the female reproduction organs to physically give birth to the child within him. Up till today, there was still a great deal of information lacking on male werewolf pregnancies, partly because very few pregnant werewolves had dared to seek medical help, and had died in the process of giving birth, and partly because many refused to treat pregnant werewolves. Having werewolves was dangerous enough, but having them breed would be disastrous.

If it wasn't for Madam Pomfrey and her kindness, Remus would have probably starved to death by now, much less have an opportunity to actually give birth to a healthy baby and survive. He was partially amazed to that he had been able to carry the baby in him for so long. He had worried constantly that his monthly transformations would have killed his baby by now. But it seemed that the wolf understood that it was carrying precious cargo too, and seemed to care for the baby as well, for he had woken up from the last six transformations with barely a scratch on him He could feel the proud satisfaction from the wolf too.

Madam Pomfrey had attempted to explain what she had deduced from the books and his conditions. It seemed that upon successful mating, Remus body would change to adapt to the possibility of reproduction, producing an egg for fertilisation and a womb for the baby to grow. That had allowed him to get pregnant, but his body had not developed a birth canal for the baby to come out, so Madam Pomfrey had warned him that she would have to cut his belly open to deliver his child when the time came. Just like a caesarean surgery then.

Thank Merlin he was a half-muggle. Remus thought he would have flipped if he wasn't so comfortable and aware of modern medicine and surgeries. He would have half-smiled at this point if a contraction had not hit again.

'URGHHHH!'

He had to get to Hogwarts quick. The contractions were getting stronger really quickly, and he understood that that was a sign that the baby was getting more desperate to get out. He had to get to Hogwarts NOW!

After he gritted his teeth and rode the last of that contraction out, he gingerly and wincingly pushed himself off the bed, and grabbed his sweater before waddling carefully and extremely slowly to his cupboard. Madam Pomfrey had gotten Professor Dumbledore to set up a portkey that would bring him to Hogwarts for this very occasion.

Gripping the wardrobe door tightly to keep himself upright as another contraction hit him, he had to use all the little strength he had left to keep himself from collapsing on his wobbly legs. When it finally passed, he quickly swung the wardrobe door open and reached to the back of the wardrobe where a baby rattle was wrapped up in a bundle of cloth.

He quickly unwrapped the cloth, and the moment he lay a finger on it, he felt the usually hooking feeling and a moment of weightlessness before he arrived on top of a bed in the Hogwarts clinic in a breathless sweaty mess.

Remus moaned gutturally, a very primal sound, as he attempted to deal with the next contraction, his hands scrambling for something to cling on to.

Suddenly the door leading to Madam Pomfrey's room swung open sharply as Madam Pomfrey came rushing in, still in her nightclothes and her wand leading the way.

'OH! Remus, its you! Merlin, I thought there was another intruder... Remus? Oh Merlin, are you in labour?'

Madam Pomfrey questioned as she quickly got her bearings and rushed to Remus' side as he lay on his side with an arm wrapped protectively around his swollen belly. All Remus could muster was a brief nod before an even stronger contraction took over his body, causing it to shudder and convulse in pain.

Quickly summoning two bottles of potions from her cupboard, Madam Pomfrey poured them into two glasses before helping Remus into a sitting position.

'Just drink these two up Remus. One will take away the pain and the other will put you to sleep. Don't worry, I'll take care of you and the little poppet inside of you. When you wake up, I promise that your baby will be waiting for you,' Madam Pomfrey spoke quietly as she rubbed Remus back gently as he swallowed the two potions.

Helping him lie back down on the bed again, Madam Pomfrey smiled reassuringly down at him as she wiped the sweat off his face gently.

'Go to sleep Remus, your baby will be here when you open your eyes again.'

With that, the potion kicked in and Remus' eyelids fluttered shut and he fell into a deep slumber with those last few words resounding in his head.

When he woke up, he would finally meet his baby.

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Hello! I've been feeling really enthusiastic about writing lately. So have a new chapter up! Haha. Hope you guys like it. The baby's coming soon! Eeks i can't wait :p though I haven't really thought of a name yet. Suggestions? Though i'm not giving you guys a clue if its a boy or a girl. Heh. I'm off on a holiday soon, so the next update might be in one or two weeks time. But i'll keep writing on the trip and hopefully will update whenever i get the chance. Do read and review!!! Thanks my loves. I will reply to everyone's reviews in the chapter. xxx


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Remus smiled gently to himself as he gazed down at his sleeping daughter. It had been three weeks since he had brought his daughter home. It had been a tough few weeks, with crazy feeding times and all that was required with a new baby. He was beyond exhausted, and all he wanted to do really was to fall asleep for a really long time.

Being a single parent wasn't easy, much less being a single teen parent who was barely out of his childhood. His parents had passed away a few years ago, and so he had no one else he could rely on. In the past three week, he had run himself to the ground trying to care for his newborn's every single need, leaving little time for himself to rest and recover.

But staring down at his beautiful daughter's face, he couldn't tear his eyes away. She looked just like Sirius. With a jet black tuft of hair on her head, and his aristocratic features. The only difference was that her eyes were a bright deep amber, just like Remus' ones.

Adara Lupin.

That was the name Remus had chosen for his daughter. He had decided on that name after the star, Adhara in the Canis Majoris constellation, the same constellation that Sirius was in. It also meant beautiful and noble, which was just like her father.

This was his way of including Sirius in her life. Even though Sirius would probably not know of this child of his, Remus still wanted his daughter to know about her other father, and to love him in memory, for without him, she would not have existed.

He remembered how amazed he had felt when Madam Pomfrey had placed Adara in his arms three weeks ago, after he had awoken up from his potion-induced sleep. He could hardly believe that he had been part of creating such a beautiful child. He didn't think he could have felt happier until the moment Adara had opened her large eyes slowly and stared at him quietly with eyes the same colour as his.

She had stared quietly at him for a long while, as though slowly inspecting the man that was holding her, before giving her approval with a baby smile and a gurgle.

At that moment, she had stolen whatever remained of his shattered heart.

Suddenly, a soft cry from below wrenched him out of his thoughts. His baby girl was awake and hungry, evident on her scrunched up face that was starting to turn redder as she began to cry louder.

'Hush baby girl. Shhhh. Papa's here.'

Remus quickly lifted her out of her crib, and grabbed the bottle he had nearby and offered it to her. The volume of her cries had been increasing exponentially during the short time it took for him to grab the bottle and feed her.

Looking at his little bundle of joy in his arms, he chuckled quietly to himself as Adara sucked quickly and vigorously on her bottle.

'You're just like your Daddy aren't you. Loud, impatient, demanding and oh so beautiful.'

In response, Adara, who had just finished her bottle in record time, looked up at him with her deep amber eyes and a surprisingly intense look.

Remus brought a thumb up to her cheek and gently caressed it. Rubbing it soothingly as he continued staring into her large expressive eyes, he continued speaking softly to her.

'I'm sorry your Daddy can't be here. I'm sorry that I had hurt your Daddy, but if I had to do it, I would do it all over again. Because of my sins, I somehow got you, and I could never be more thankful and grateful. Your Daddy might never be part of your life, but don't worry my love, I will always be here to hold you, care for you and love you. You're my reason for living now. I love you so much so much.'

Adara stared up at her Daddy for a moment longer, before breaking the serious moment by blowing a spit bubble at her Daddy, gurgling happily.

'Hahaha. Aren't you just adorable baby girl.'

Remus felt a feeling a joy bubbling up inside of him. He hadn't felt such a happiness in what felt like forever. It felt good to be so happy and carefree again.

Placing Adara carefully on his shoulder, he patted her back gently, as he tried to get her to burp so that she could go back to sleep.

After a quiet burp from the little girl on his chest, he began lulling her to sleep. Pacing the room slowly, he rocked her gently in his warm embrace, all the while humming a song he had heard awhile back that always reminded him of Sirius.

_When the rain  
Is blowing in your face  
And the whole world  
Is on your case  
I could offer you  
A warm embrace  
To make you feel my love_

When the evening shadows  
And the stars appear  
And there is no one there  
To dry your tears  
I could hold you  
For a million years  
To make you feel my love

I know you  
Haven't made  
Your mind up yet  
But I would never  
Do you wrong  
I've known it  
From the moment  
That we met  
No doubt in my mind  
Where you belong

I'd go hungry  
I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling  
Down the avenue  
No, there's nothing  
That I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging  
On the rolling sea  
And on the highway of regret  
Though winds of change  
Are throwing wild and free  
You ain't seen nothing  
Like me yet

I could make you happy  
Make your dreams come true  
Nothing that I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends  
Of the Earth for you  
To make you feel my love 

It still made Remus' heart clench tightly in his chest to think of Sirius and the life he was leading now. But now that he had Adara, each day became something to look forward to, and each moment filled with new discoveries and joy. With his baby girl, he could get through this, he had to.

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Hello (: That song was by Adele – Make you feel my love. Its my favourite of the moment, because haven't we all been in a position where we love someone, but that person doesn't seem to see you or love you back in that way. Just like Remus.

A big thank you to all of you who gave me suggestions for baby names (: made continuing the story so much easier. Haha. And made me really happy that so many of you were genuinely interested in this story! A MASSIVE thank you to Lady Annikaa for giving me the name Adara! I think it's a beautiful beautiful name. Perfect for Sirius & Remus' child. Heh.

Thank you thank you thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I promise I will get to replying each and every one. So do keep reading and reviewing! Happy summer everyone! xxx


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Sirius sat by his worn out kitchen table in his apartment in London, staring out of his window quietly, watching the bright moon hanging in the dark sky. He was nursing his usual glass of Firewhisky.

It was getting harder and harder to sleep each night, and hence he had turned to alcohol, hoping that it would make his eyelids flutter close sooner, and allow his mind to enter the empty abyss that was sleep.

But sometimes, it wasn't a black emptiness. Some nights, many nights rather, they were filled with moans and growls, sweat and other bodily fluids, and one other person.

Remus.

It had originally started as disjointed moments of the night they shared, just bursts of pleasure, smells, sounds and Remus' body laid out below him. It had all began a few weeks after they had all left Hogwarts.

But over the course of the past one and a half years, the dreams had started to evolve, growing in length, in intensity, and in detail. His mind was now creating different scenarios in which the two of them were the main leads, and always leaving him sweaty, gasping for breath with Remus' name on his lips and a massive erection when he woke up in the morning. His eyebrow twitched slightly at the images in his head, and his other anatomy that lay between his thighs twitched in reaction too.

Growling loudly as his mind drifted unwillingly towards those thoughts and the betrayals of his body, Sirius grabbed the glass of Firewhisky and harshly slammed it back.

Grimacing slightly as he swallowed the bitter liquid, he grabbed the newly opened bottle of Firewhisky and poured himself another generous glassful of it.

It was going to be a long night. Nights of the full moons were always long.

Sirius could not help it. He could not stop his traitorous mind from thinking about Remus, or worrying about Remus on nights such at these, and neither could he help the reactions of his body to thoughts of Remus lying underneath him, hair splayed out on the floor and moaning his name wantonly as he thrust into him.

He hated himself for such weakness.

This was the boy that had raped him, that had taken advantage of him in his drunken state. And yet his body still craved for him.

'And so does your heart'

The little voice at the back of his head waved it tauntingly in his face.

'Admit it. You hate him for raping you. But you physically crave the sex that you two had. And you do miss him. You miss your friend. A friend who could be something more perhaps.'

'NO!', Sirus roared angrily in his empty kitchen.

'I AM NOT A BLOODY POOF. I AM NOT GAY. I DO NOT LIKE MEN. HE FUCKING RAPED ME. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! GO RUNNING BACK TO HIM TELLING HIM I MISS HIM AND THAT IT WAS OK TO RAPE ME? HE NEVER EVEN APOLOGISED. HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME THAT WAY. I WAS JUST A CONVENIENT FUCK, LIKE THE MAN-SLUT THEY ALL THINK I AM ANYWAY.'

Sirius screamed his throat raw as he pounded his fists angrily on his kitchen table. He was going mad that was for sure. Screaming at himself. He was going to be thrown into St. Mungo soon that was for sure, and all because of Remus Lupin.

'But you never did gave him a chance to apologise did you? Or to explain himself. You just pushed him away, shoved him out of your life and shut the door firmly on him. Whose fault is it now that you haven't seen him for one and a half years, and have instead spent all that time dreaming about him', the little voice calmly and quietly resounded inside of his head.

'What was I supposed to have done then? Pretend that nothing happened, just like he did? I can't. He was my friend, and I trusted him, and he betrayed that trust. He betrayed my trust.'

Sirius whispered the last bit quietly as the waves of bitterness and sadness hit him suddenly. He had shut everything of that night out previously, choosing to focus solely on the fact that Remus had raped him, and the simple act of rape was the reason for the breaking of ties with Remus.

But only tonight, did he fully acknowledge that the root of his pain, anger and hurt, came from that fact that he felt that his trust in Remus, and their precious, treasured friendship had been betrayed by Remus.

He had always felt the closest to Remus, taking comfort in how the other boy just seemed to get him. Remus always was able to see through the many layers of protection he had put up, the cocky arrogant façade, and see the hurt and damaged boy inside. Sirius would have never acknowledged to anyone else that boy inside existed, but Remus had simply quietly acknowledged that boy's presence, and accepted him, damages and all.

Sirius missed the quiet acceptance, and how Remus always could see where the wounds were and tend to them in his quiet, accepting and loving manner. He missed his friend dearly.

But at the same time, the feeling of betrayal and hurt seemed to cast a dark shadow over those happy memories.

Sirius felt like he was stuck in a rut. He could neither go back to the time before the betrayal, nor move on with his life, especially with the hurt and missing taking up his every waking and sleeping moment. He did not know what to do anymore.

Feeling the weight of all of that on his shoulders, Sirius grabbed drunkenly for his now half-filled bottle of Firewhisky, and took a large swig from it, in his attempt to find that dark bliss that was sleep, or the few moments of happiness that he had in his dreams.

Sliding bonelessly down the chair to the floor, he leaned against one leg of the kitchen table, and continued taking large gulps of the burning alcohol.

And so Sirius just kept at it, till the bottle was almost empty, and he was now splayed out on the floor like a doll whose strings had been cut, boneless and motionless. He was on the verge of passing out.

'Let it go Sirius. Just let your damn pride and hurt go, and look for him. Ask him all that you just said, and then you'll get those answers you need to find your peace', was the last thing he heard in his head as the voice whispered to him, before he sunk into blissful oblivion.

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hello hello (:

a slightly longer chapter now, from Sirius' POV. It's a happy birthday gift to MareG8, because she asked so nicely. Happy birthday love!

Really sorry that the chapters have been taking so long. Been flying around, and just got home yesterday, so still abit jetlagged and out of it :p but now that I'm home, and officially on summer break, I have all the time in the world to write. HAHA. So yes. I hope to have more chapters coming soon.

Hope you guys like this chapter.. Its been all about Remus previously, and I thought I should throw Sirius in, just because I adore Sirius Black, and I kinda miss him. Grins.

I will be jumping sporadically through time, till I hit the timing that I want and then things will continue at a more normal pace. I always try to keep the timeline as clear and simple as it can be, so I hope no one's confused (:

Thank you to all my reviewers. You guys are LOVE LOVE LOVE personified. Heh. I will get down to replying each one of you soon. It's a juggle between writing new chapters and replying reviews. But do keep reading and reviewing. Extremely grateful to you guys. Till later. Xxx

Ps. To those of you following 'To the Moon and Back', I'm really sorry for leaving all of you guys hanging with one chapter left. Promise it'll be out real soon.


	9. Chapter 9

Cloudy Skies and Heartache Chapter 9

Adara was growing up so quickly. It felt like just yesterday when he had held her in his arms for the first time.

But now Remus' little girl was already a one year old toddler, having celebrated her first birthday last week.

Looking at his pride and joy waddling unsteadily across the living room in front of him as she pulled her little ducky on wheels by its string behind her, Remus felt the usual clenching of his heart that came with watching her.

With a full head of raven black silky curls, large intelligent looking eyes, and fine doll-like features, she looked just like a copy of Sirius. The only difference was her bright amber eyes that seemed to glitter in the light. But still, the uncanny resemblance to the Blacks made Remus' heart ache with longing, sadness and guilt every time he looked at his baby girl.

Till this day, he still missed Sirius. His heart still pining for the other boy. But Remus, if nothing, was a sensible intelligent man, and he knew very well not to expect anything, from the future or Sirius. He still felt the pain of Sirius' accusations from more than two years ago and the guilt that stemmed from the look of betrayal on Sirius' face had never left him.

Remus had violated his best friend and betrayed their friendship. He had no right to expect anything from Sirius, nor the privilege of hope.

The irony was that he had been gifted with such a beautiful child because of his sins, but he knew that perhaps he was the only one who would be able to see Adara as a gift, and not a burden.

Remus dared not imagine Sirius' fury at having fathered a bastard child, furthermore one borne by a male werewolf. Sirius would probably condemn him and his precious girl as a freak, and never acknowledge her as his child.

But thank Merlin Adara had not shown any werewolf traits so far. Doubt had ate at him constantly throughout his pregnancy of whether he would have passed on his curse to his baby, and he was grateful every full moon for that.

It also seemed that the wolf in him had calmed down considerably after he had gotten pregnant. It was gentler and calmer somehow, especially during his pregnancy. No longer did he wake up with gouges on his body from his claws, or fractured bones. He still had the aches, pains, cuts and bruises that came with transformations, but nothing serious that required any medical attention. He liked to think that it was the wolf's way of ensuring its cub's welfare and safety.

But still, he always had Adara sent to Hogwarts to be looked after by Madam Pomfrey during his transformations. It was too big a risk to take. He could not bear the thought of having his child in the same house as him during his transformations.

But it seemed that she quite enjoyed her trips to Hogwarts, taking immediately to the old school that she had been conceived in, and to Madam Pomfrey like a grandmother. Professor Dumbledore had even popped in on quite a few nights to entertain the little girl with various charms and magick tricks, leaving the little one enthralled and never wanting to leave.

Shaking his head to himself as he chuckled quietly as he remembered the last time he had gone to Hogwarts to pick Adara up from the infirmary. He had entered to find Adara floating around on a little white fluffy cloud, giggling infectiously as Professor Dumbledore charmed the cloud to rise and fall gently.

Clapping her hands in glee as she saw Remus enter the room, Adara had looked at Professor Dumbledore and pointed demandingly at her father. Professor Dumbledore immediately obeyed and charmed the little cloud over to Remus, depositing his bundle of sunshine gently into Remus' waiting arms.

His little girl had the most powerful wizard in the world wrapped around her tiny little finger.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he gave his pot of mashed potatoes a final stir, before turning off the fire and scooping them out onto two plates of bangers.

Putting the dirty pot into the sink, he placed the two small plates of bangers and mash on the table before calling out to his daughter.

'Dinner's ready Adara. Time to wash your hands and have dinner.'

'Papa Papa!', was all Remus heard before he felt Adara collide into his legs and clinging onto them for dear life.

'Hahaha, what are you doing down there little girl? Come up here', Remus laughed as he picked her up and swished her around in the air.

Adara laughed her deep infectious laughter that seemed to come from her belly and always leave her body shaking in laughter. She had a laugh just like Sirius really. Loud, uncontrolled and infectious.

After washing her hands and putting on her bib, Remus sat her down in her high chair for dinner.

As he fed her small little pieces of bangers and spoonfuls of mash, his mind turned to his usual dinner worries.

Money was a constant problem for Remus. Having spent his almost his entire pregnancy unemployed, plus the financial requirements of having a child, his savings had taken a major hit, even with the kindness of Madam Pomfrey, and he suspected Professor Dumbledore's.

Also, due to the fact that he had moved to a quiet, unknown town during his pregnancy to keep a low profile, and to avoid Sirius, James, Lily and Peter, this meant that there wasn't an abundance of well-paying jobs available out here.

Remus was incredibly thankful he had managed to find a job in the local bookshop that allowed him to bring Adara in with him during working hours. The money he earned there was enough to keep Adara well-fed and warmly clothed at the very least, though not quite enough to keep Remus in good shape.

He knew he had all along been a skinny boy, but he had lost weight over the past two and a half years since leaving school, and was skinnier than ever. He wasn't starving or malnourished, but Remus only ate the minimal basics to keep himself full and reasonably healthy. He had even gave up on his usual weekly indulgences in chocolate, unless it was a nibble off a Adara's chocolate bar that was usually from Madam Pomfrey.

It seemed like Adara had taken after her papa and had inherited Remus' famous sweet tooth. She loved all kinds of sweets, except liquorices, but had an exceptional soft spot for chocolate. Her small little heart-shaped face would light up everytime Madam Pomfrey would bring some chocolate. Remus suspected that Professor Dumbledore was giving her chocolate every month too.

Although the chocolate was always for the both of them, Remus would always only take a small nibble off Adara's chunk of chocolate, which she always sweetly offered to share with her papa. He always felt guilty that he was unable to provide her with more, and hence was unwilling to take away any little bit of her luxuries or deprive her of the little pleasures she had.

A small voice inside of his head always reminded him that Sirius would have been able to provide her with so much more, and allow her to live comfortably had she been brought up by Sirius.

Such thoughts left a deep rooted feeling of inadequacy, guilt and sorrow in Remus. Something which he kept hidden deep inside, and never showed to Adara.

There was nothing he could do about that, but the least he could do was give Adara the best he could have, with whatever he had now.

Feeding Adara her last bite of mash, he quickly scoffed down the remainders of his meal, before levitating both plates into the sink, and lifting Adara out of her high-chair. He swished his wand in the air, setting the dishes in the sink to be washed, and carried his little girl out of the small little kitchen and into the bathroom for her nightly bath.

Remus actually did not like to use magic unnecessarily, but when faced with a one year old child with an extreme abundance of energy, household charms were a huge blessing. He never knew a one year old girl could run him to the ground, leaving him exhausted every single night. Thank goodness she had been a quiet baby and had not spent every night crying her lungs out.

It seemed that personality-wise, Adara had taken after him, and not the boisterous, loud and hyperactive child Remus had often imagined Sirius to have been. She enjoyed puzzles, being read to and rainy days it seemed. However, she had her fair share of loud, ear-popping tantrums, especially during bed times. She was definitely Sirius' child when she threw a tantrum, cause she sure knew how to throw a tantrum, like only a Black could.

At times like those, it took hours upon hours of soothing, singing and rocking to get his red-faced screaming girl to hush and fall to sleep.

Thank Merlin there was nothing like that tonight, as Adara obediently had her bath and tucked lovingly into bed. However, she still managed to demand 4 stories out of Remus, before she quietly settled down in bed to listen.

But all it took was one and a half stories before her heavy eyelids began to droop, and Adara drifted off to sleep, her tiny little pink mouth hanging open slightly.

Remus gazed down gently at his little miracle, tracing her features gently with his fingertips. Times like these just made his heart want to burst with happiness and joy really.

Kissing her tiny forehead gently, he whispered, 'Good night my little star.'

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Ello! Didn't know I would end up writing so much today. Feeling abit under the weather, but just felt like writing. So here you go (: hope you guys enjoy it. Please read & review! More action coming up soon! xxx


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Remus smiled gently as he watched his four year old daughter working over her little pieces of art at her little table in the corner of the bookshop. Her head bobbed silently as she stuck her little tongue out of the corner of her mouth in concentration as she carefully drew a picture of a golden wolf.

He had been very grateful to have gotten a job, three years ago, at the small cozy bookshop in the town that he lived in. The owners were muggle, though the town's population was a mix of muggle and wizarding folks, and so were rather unsuspicious of his monthly days off.

The best thing was that the old couple who owned the bookshop, George and Leah, were terribly kind and sweet. They had fallen in love with Adara from the moment they had met her, and were more than delighted to have her in the bookshop all day long so that Remus could keep an eye on her as she was home-schooled by Remus. She had become the unofficial mascot of the shop, with all the regular customers warming up to her almost immediately, and always bringing her little sweets and presents, much to his daughter's delight.

While the pay wasn't much, at the very least it allowed him to maintain their little cottage, and keep Adara well-fed, healthy and happy. Though he often felt guilty and sad that he could not afford all the toys and sweets that he wanted to give to his little girl, Remus knew that he should be extremely thankful for what he had now.

Luckily, Adara did take after him, and was a voracious reader, which wasn't much of a problem as the bookshop he worked in had a wide array of children storybooks, which George and Leah had generously offered to Adara as her own little library. He had started teaching her to read at age three, and she had taken it up quickly, eager to learn all the time.

As Adara's health and happiness was Remus' sole focus, he had failed to take good care of his health over the past five years, choosing to give Adara the best he could give, at the expense of himself. He would rather eat bread and butter daily, than have Adara go without anything he thought she'd need to grown up healthy and happy.

This resulted in the twenty three year old werewolf looking skinny and frail, with dark shadows across his face, instead of a young man, full of life, which one would have imagined. It didn't help either that his pregnancy and the birth had taken a toll on his health, resulting in a rather weak constitution post-birth.

Poppy had warned him of the risks at the beginning, but there was no way he would ever give up Sirius' child, and now having Adara in his life, he knew that his choice then had been the right one. Even if it meant ruining his health.

There were potions and herbs available for his conditions, but they were extremely pricey and rare. Remus could never afford them in a million years, especially now that he had to care for a growing child with numerous needs. Despite Poppy's offers for a loan, he had adamantly refused, not wanting to impose on her any longer. She had done so much for him already.

He could live with poor health, afterall, he had been a werewolf for 16 years now, it was just one more thing he would just have to deal with. However, this just meant that he felt the effects of the moon much earlier on now, and it took him a much longer time to recover after that.

Stretching tiredly, Remus could feel his joints click and muscles protest. The full moon was in a few days time, and every muscle and joint in his body was feeling it.

Sighing quietly to himself, Remus quickly finished up with his day's work, and packed up his stuff and got ready to lock up and leave.

Turning to the corner in which Adara's table was located, a small smile crept onto his face as he saw his little girl's head on the tiny table, all burrowed into her folded arms. Her drawing sat in front of her, preciously set aside before she fell asleep, and her crayons all neatly packed into her little pencil case.

Walking over quietly, Remus packed her few belongings into her little backpack, and rolled up her drawing carefully and gently. After putting on her winter jacket and picking up all their belongings, he lifted her gently into his arms where she burrowed her head immediately into the crook of his neck, mumbling softly, 'Daddy…'

Remus heart clenched tightly at her unconscious word. Daddy was what she called Sirius. Papa for him, and Daddy for her other father.

He had told Adara about Sirius after she had asked about her mummy one day. Remus could never lie to his daughter, and had slowly explained to her that she didn't have a mummy. Her papa had given birth to her, and she had another Daddy somewhere out there, who loved her very very much, but couldn't be with them for now.

Surprisingly, his young girl had accepted the abnormal situation of her birth rather calmly, and ever since then, would constantly pester her Papa for stories of her Daddy.

Remus knew she loved listening stories of her Daddy, and somewhere along the way, had started to love her Daddy too. He knew she wanted to meet him one day, but being the thoughtful and sensitive child she was, she could see the sadness that shone through when Remus talked about Sirius too, and so had kept many of her Daddy-related wishes to herself.

But there were many times during the night, when Remus would wake up to hear Adara calling for her Daddy till Remus went over to rocked her gently back to a dreamless sleep.

It was enough to break his heart really, if there was much left to be broken.

Sighing again, much louder this time, Remus shook himself out of his unnecessary depressing thoughts, put on Adara's little woolen beanie, and flipped his own hood up, before stepping out of the warmth of the bookshop into the cold winter evening.

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Hello hello (: sorry this chapt took so long. I know I promised action in this chapt, but this dragged on too long, so I decided to cut the chapt into two chapts instead. Promise there'll be something more exciting next chapt though! This chapt is more about accounting for the kind of life Remus & Adara have been living. Thanks for all the reviews (: constructive criticism please! Please do keep reading! xxx


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Teeth chattering loudly, Remus quickly shut the door as he entered his frosty cottage. Well at least he was away from the vicious howling wind.

Checking on his precious cargo in his arms, he was pretty amazed after all this time to find his daughter still sleeping peacefully against his shoulder. Sheesh, she sure was Sirius' child, only the two of them could sleep through such frigid temperatures and howling winds.

Shaking his head slightly as he chuckled to himself, he carefully carried Adara to her tiny bedroom that was decorated with stars and unicorns that he had charmed to move… Well jiggle was more like it. It wasn't his fault that Hogwarts had not taught them how to make pictures of unicorns prance around the bloody wall.

As he pulled off Adara's thick fluffy woolen jacket and her little beanie, ready to tuck her into bed, Remus suddenly realised that Adara's face was flushed and covered in sweat. Her brow furrowed slightly as she scrunched her face uncomfortably and moaned lightly in her sleep.

Alarmed, Remus quickly placed his palm on his little girl's forehead.

Merlin, she was bloody burning!

'Papa…'

Adara whimpered quietly in her sleep as she fidgeted uncomfortably in his arms.

Fuck, why hadn't he realised she was running a fever much earlier. Shit, he was heading right into panic-mode. Adara had never fallen ill before, she was always a healthy baby and had never even caught the flu or a cold. He had no experience with this, and had no clue what to do, all he knew was that he needed to get her to a Healer immediately… Poppy!

Just as he was about to put Adara down and run off to the fireplace so he could Floo to Hogwarts, he suddenly remembered Poppy telling him a few days ago that her daughter had just given birth, and so she would be on leave for two weeks to look after her, and would not be at Hogwarts. He hadn't thought that he might have needed her assistance as the full moon had just passed last week, so he had not bothered to ask her where she was going to be. Damnit. Now he had no way of contacting her.

Remus' thoughts were in complete disarray. He was at a total loss at what to do…

When suddenly the solution seemed to slap him in the face, why of course, St. Mungo! What an idiot he was. Having lived so many years away from the wizarding community, and always having Poppy by his side to turn to for any medical help, he had totally forgotten about St. Mungo.

Grabbing Adara quickly and slipping on her winter gear again, Remus quickly Apparated to St. Mungo's, with all the worst thoughts racing through his panicked mind.

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After what seemed like forever to a tortured and worried Remus, the Healers that were attending to Adara finally re-appeared.

'What's the matter with my daughter? Is she going to be alright?'

Remus rushed anxiously towards the Healers, bombarding them with the questions that had been swirling around in his head for the past hour.

'Mr Lupin, your daughter has a rather serious case of dragon pox. Luckily it was discovered early and you brought her here before it developed into the next stage. Hence, we should be able to nip it in the bud, and while it might take awhile for her to recover fully, during which she will have to stay in the hospital under careful observation, there should be no permanent damage or physical scarring due to the poxes.'

After explaining further the type of care Adara would require for the next week or so, the Healer departed, leaving a visibly shaken and drained Remus outside his daughter's ward.

As Remus leaned against the doorframe of Adara's ward, watching his precious child now sleeping soundly in bed, Remus felt as though his shaking legs were ready to collapse on him.

Merlin, dragon pox. Thousands of wizards and witches die each year due to dragon pox, with many more left scarred for life. His baby could have been one of them. So easily could she have slipped through his fingers and left him.

Such thoughts shook him to the core, and Remus felt this sudden urge to hold his child, to make sure she was still there and alive.

Making his way quickly to her side, he quickly grabbed onto her tiny hand with both hands, as though grabbing a lifeline. It was true, Adara was his lifeline. She was his reason for living, his reason for fighting against the wolf every full moon, and the only reason why he took all the hardship and pain without complain.

Stroking her now cooler forehead gently, and sweeping her sweat-drenched bangs gently to the side, Remus felt some form of calmness return to him. She was still here, and on the road to recovery.

With a quiet sigh, he put his head down on the bed, next to her hand, and it wasn't long before the exhausted father fell asleep next to his slumbering daughter.

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Hello (: sorry for the long absence and this very short chapter. Been lacking abit of inspiration lately :p plus I've been away from my computer. Heh. I know, excuses excuses. But well, its gearing up to be slightly more interesting from this chapter on. A lot more characters getting involved. Promise I'll get my next chapter up very soon! Much love. More reviews pleaseeee :D xxx


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Standing under the thankfully hot water gushing out from the showerhead, Remus ran a hand through his wet chestnut-brown hair tiredly. He could feel the muscles in his body screaming in protest in response to the small action.

The full moon was last night.

It had taken every last bit of energy he had left in his body after the extra horrendous night, to have pulled himself out of his self-made cage at daybreak and into the shower to wash the blood and dirt from the floor of the basement off his body.

Surveying the new damage to his already scarred and painfully thin body, he scanned over the deep jagged gouges over his protruding ribs. It had been a bloody rough night, and Moony had been especially angry and violent resulting in him being able to see the faint shining whiteness of his bones in some of the deeper gouges on his ribs.

As he stood hunched over in his shower with bloody rivets of dirty water streaming down his body and into the drain, his thoughts, despite the extensive damage to his body, was on his precious little girl who was still in hospital.

Although it was not a serious case of dragon pox, it still had taken Adara three weeks to have been released from the Serious Care Unit, plus another week to go in the normal wards for observation.

This had meant that Remus had to leave Adara in the hospital last night so that he could come home for his monthly transformation.

She had tried to be brave last night, especially with her newfound fear of hospitals. Being a sensitive child, she had formed an immediate hatred of the depressive atmosphere, the smells and just the feel of St. Mungos.

But Remus still noticed the shimmer in her eyes as he kissed her goodnight on her forehead, as she fought hard to keep her tears in, knowing her Papa hated to leave her too, especially because of his 'furry problem'.

'Goodnight Papa. Be good to Papa, Moony!', she had whispered softly in his ear.

Remembering those words, and the wolf's subsequent agony of knowing its cub was in pain, was enough to jolt Remus out of his pain-induced haze and stumble haphazardly out of the shower in search for his wand to seal his wounds, and get to his daughter as soon as possible.

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After what felt like ages, especially with the pain coursing through his body with each slight action, Remus had managed to staunch the bleeding of his wounds, and bandage them haphazardly.

As long as no one could see blood seeping through his clothes, he could live with the pain. Especially with the help of one of Poppy's painkiller potions. It was the strongest one she had, and even that could only stem a fraction of the pain.

Grabbing Adara's little backpack that was filled with her freshly washed pajamas and a small bag of chocolates, he carefully and gingerly headed to his fireplace. With all the pain he was in, plus the potion, he did not dare risk Apparating. He did not want to be left without a head.

Grabbing a handful of the Floo powder out of the almost empty pot, Remus sighed to himself as the list of upcoming expenses grew again in his head.

He had no idea how in the bloody world he was going to be able to pay for Adara's four weeks in hospital, her medicine and now bloody Floo powder. Merlin.

Plus, having spent the last three weeks at the hospital with Adara, and not at work, wasn't helping either.

Growling softly to himself, Remus shoved all those thoughts out of his head as he flung the Floo powder rather angrily into his fireplace, saying 'St. Mungo's Hospital' before stepping into the now-green fireplace.

Adara's well-being always came first. As long as she was healthy, the rest he could deal with.

With that last thought, he stepped out from one of the Floo portals in St Mungo's grand reception area that was bustling with patients and Healers scurrying back forth.

Taking a short moment to catch his breath and let the pain in his ribs subside, Remus leaned rather bonelessly against the brick wall next to the portal.

As he closed his eyes and took a few deep shuddering breaths to calm himself, he suddenly heard two familiar voices that he had not heard in more than five years.

Ignoring the pain in his side and his neck, his head shot up immediately looking for the source of the voices.

He did not have to look far, for right in front of him were James and Lily.

Struggling to hold on to the ravaged man between the two of them, who was leaving a bloody smear on the floor as his feet dragged along lifelessly, the two of them were shouting desperately for a Healer or a nurse to tend to the man.

'Help! SOMEONE HELP! My friend's seriously injured! I NEED SOME HELP HERE NOW!'

James bellowed at the top of his voice, which finally caught the attention of a Healer who was passing by.

Conjuring up a floating stretcher immediately, the Healer immediately ordered James and Lily to place the injured man on it, and rapidly fired off various questions at James regarding the man's wellbeing.

'He's my Auror partner. I have no bloody clue what happened to him! I opened the door this morning and found him on my doorstep in this state. His name is…'

Before James could even get to identifying the bloody and ravaged man's name, Remus had already tuned the rambling man out.

When James had lifted the man onto the stretcher in the midst of his panicked ramblings, Remus had caught a sight of the face of the injured man.

Despite being covered in blood and scratches, Remus would never forget that face for as long as he lived. That face was imprinted on the back of his eyelids, so that when he closed his eyes every night, all he could see was that beautiful face.

Oh Merlin, the man lying on the stretcher right in front of him, bleeding out on the shiny marble floor, was Sirius.

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Hello, so I've finally gotten the ball rolling. Heh. Sorry to leave you guys with such a cliffhanger. Will try to get the next one up asap.

A few notes:

1) there won't be Voldemort – I can't deal with too many things going on -.-

2) harry is a maybe

3) I'm killing off Peter (or rather, at this point in time he's alr dead :p )

Do read and review! I'm TRYING to make my chapts longer, or upload faster. Sorry! xxx


	13. Note from author

Hello!

I'm terribly sorry that I've been MIA for so many months now. Its been a hectic time and I've had a lot of changes in my life which I've had to deal with and somehow kinda lost the spark to continue writing this. But, I'm getting everything back under control, and I'm feeling the pull to write again and continue this story. Very sorry to have kept all of you guys hanging with such a cliffhanger :p I've got exams coming up in a month, but just let me get through that and I promise you'll get many many more chapters and that I'll finish this story (: Please do continue reading when I do post again. Sorry once more ): xxx


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